The Story of Chewy

"You will feel THE POOOOOOUNCE!!!"

Dees ees experiment #4:

After skimming through this blog and getting to know more about The Banana and The Jiggler, our family have started requesting we post more about each of their histories. Naturally by that, I don't mean Nosey and Jiggler's history, but the rest of the family. While quite a monumental task at first, it's only natural that their colorful backgrounds are shared with the world. Next up, we learn how the cuddly, adorable Chewy became Chewy.

It was a midsummer's night in Lion Town. A little lion cub sits alone on the porch of his bungalow. In the distance, he notices a fire. The horizon's burning and something's amuck.

A loud scream is heard and the people of Lion Town scatter all over the streets. "HELP! HELP!" The cub recognizes the voice behind the screams. It's his mother. She runs the local bakery. "CHEWSTER! YOUR FATHER...HE'S INJURED!" she screams. It doesn't take a second before Chewster takes off, zipping faster than the sound of light. He's worried, but his emotions can't overtake him. He needs to be strong. He arrives at the scene of the crime. Chewster surveys the area and sees his mother standing outside the bakery, panicking. "Baby, your daddy's inside. They...they stole all of our bread, set the place on fire...your dad...he tried to stop them...I knew we should've fixed that blasted chandelier. It fell on him and knocked him out!" Chewster tells him mommy to step back and he'll take care of things. Afterall, Chewster's the only one small enough to fit into the window.

As he takes a step forward, THEY appear. A gang of rugged Zebras...the town's local misfits. While powerless themselves, they've been fortunate to have the local police force and their weaponry behind them. You see, one of them was brought up in a rich family, selling cocaine abroad. They're assholes. You get the idea. Anyways, they stand wielding their guns at the foot of the bakery's door. They laugh maniacally at Chewster and scream at him, trying to intimidate him. "OOH, OOH! WHO'S GONNA SAVE YOUR OLD MAN NOOOOOOOW?" "BWAHAHAHAHAHAA...AFTER WE KILL YOUR OLD MAN, WE'LL TAKE YOUR MOTHER AWAY WITH US AND YOU'LL HAVE NOWHERE TO GO LITTLE ONE!". It doesn't take much to rile up the little one as he steps forward and protects his mother. "You so much as lay a hand on either one of them, and I will feast on your weak, pathetic bones" says Chewster. The Zebras are afraid. In fear, they pull their weapons towards Chewster. He doesn't budge. Pulling a bandana from his pocket (yes, he has one), Chewster dons it and cracks his neck. It's time for war.

Chewy lunges forward at the cowardly Zebra's, knocking them into the flaming structure that was once the town's beloved bakery. They land beside Chewster's dad, who's coming to. He looks around, realizes what's happening and screams "CHEWSTER! GET OUT. I CAN TAKE CARE OF THEM!" There's only one problem...he's unaware that he's held firm to the ground by that blasted Chandelier. Chewy screams "DAD! HOLD ON!" as he punches and claws his way around to his dad, killing 3 out of 4 of the Zebras. Yes, it's a little dry on the action, but the best is yet to come.

Chewster starts to push the chandelier off his dad, putting all his strength into it. Out of nowhere...the Zebra leader appears! Unbeknownst to Chewster, he's still alive, and worse, is now engulfed in flames. His flesh, now charred. His eyes burning like two balls of fire. The Zebra leader looks like a living, breathing Satan. His vocal chords, now fried to a crisp cause his voice to sound like hell as he screams "YOU SHALL PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!" He starts to walk forward in a zombie-like fashion towards Chewster and his father. Slow and menacing, the Zebra leader is ready to strike, when...BOOM! Daddy's free. Thankfully, apart from a couple of bruises and scrapes, he's perfectly fine. Chewster climbs onto his dad's head, and they simultaneously growl forward, causing the most powerful wave of air in history. The Zebra is pushed back towards the front door. He's relentless though...nothing will stop him from avenging the pathetic deaths of his mates.

There's one thing he was not anticipating though. You see, as we've learnt in science, an air current occurs when hot air rises and cool air sinks. It takes a while before the cool air from the lions' world shattering growl comes back to them amidst the heat of the room. What am I getting at? Dinner. This will all make sense, don't you worry. The air current brings forth the delicious roasted flavor of the Z-Zebra (Zombie Zebra) and we all know there's one thing that lion's are weakest to. Yes...their appetite. Chewster and his dad race forward, slow motion pounce in the air and land on the unsuspecting, weak Zebra, sending him flying out of the bakery and into the middle of the crowd of people who have been trying to catch a glimpse of what's been happening inside. They scream in fear as they look at the Zebra leader...well, before his time is up.

Skin from skin, bone from bone, limb from limb, Chewster and his dad rip the Zebra into a million pieces, feasting on it. The rest of the crowd join in and rejoice as the world is now free of the scum known as the Zebra gang. Chewster, bizarrely Arab in some nature, suckles on the marrow of the bastard scum and then...yes...you guessed it; chews on his bones, as he claimed he would...thus being dubbed "Chewy" by the locals.

Despite the horrible events of the night, Lion Town would become a better place as a result:

1) The current, corrupted police were driven out of town, replaced by the best police force of the new millennium.
2) Chewy and his family were knighted and deemed "Heroes of All Mankind".
3) The bakery was rebuilt. But not as a bakery. Instead the world's most popular franchise "Chewy & Co.'s Bar and Grill" was born, serving the masses nothing but the freshest, most succulent meats ever known.
4) On one wild (k)night, a loving couple by the names of Chooz and Pooz would meet Sir Chewy, fall in love with him and his story...and the rest is history.

EDITOR'S NOTE: There may have been some exaggeration on the part of Chewy. Apparently he's a candytarian (one who only partakes in the consumption of sweets) and the zebra's may have been made of delicious taffy.

Chewy says: No.

May the force live long and prosper \V/