The Story of Mickey

Shine bright like a....ermmm, nevermind!

Dees ees experiment #10

Ladies and germs, today we bring you an abridged history of one of the more quiet members of our wonderful family...Mickey Monkey. You rarely hear about our little friend, but you'd be surprised to know that he probably has the most colorful background of all our family right from his humble start, to where he is right here and now. Strap yourselves in, because this is one hell of a ride!

Mickey was born to a poor family in Bangalore (no one's really sure of where he comes from though). His father worked day and night to secure enough money for Mickey's school tuition, while his mother slaved hard behind a computer every day until her masterpiece, Tetris, had been completed.

Before the Monkeys (that's their family name) became became multi-millionaires, Mickey was old enough to audition for the first season of American Idol (do not question me...this is in chronological order, no matter what you believe). He came in second place, only beaten by Godzilla's nephew. People say Godzilla had wasta, and thus his nephew won...but forget that. Mickey thought his dreams were over and he wouldn't be able to take care of his family, but while his mother's video game became a worldwide success, Mickey too was in for a bit of luck.

You see, Corpsegrinder of Cannibal Corpse fame, would hear Mickey on American Idol and before he himself became the lead vocalist of Cannibal Corpse, he recommended Mickey. Mickey would indeed replace Chris Barnes to become the lead vocalist of Cannibal Corpse. With him securing such a coveted position and his mommy become the "Queen of Nintendo & Beyond", there was no stopping the Monkeys. Oh yeah...Cannibal Corpse? While their first album with Mickey, "Torn, Tattered and Rotten (Banana Skins)" was a runaway success, their extensive touring was taking a toll on Mickey. He was starting to miss his family and girlfriend. Yes, Minnie. Her name was Minnie. Not by coincidence. The final nails in the coffin were the lukewarm reviews of Cannibal Corpse's final album with Mickey; Banana Split, which was criticized because of Mickey's vocals "losing their spark". The Banana had indeed...split, and Mickey was out of there. Corpsegrinder took over for Mickey and would go on to become Cannibal Corpse's vocalist to this day.

Mickey and Minnie got married soon after he retired from the world of death metal, but being married was no easy feat and Mickey had to keep a steady income...because banana's ain't cheap, son. Mickey soon became the 5th Ghostbuster. Unfortunately his contract was specific to the job itself and thus Mickey could not partake in any of the movies, comics, or well...anything apart from the job himself. Though Mickey loved (and still does) busting ghosts, it just wasn't fair to him...the others were getting the recognition he deserved. Having had enough of everyone using him and taking credit for his work, Mickey hung up his Ecto-Containment Unit and looked elsewhere for work.

While Grandma Monkey (yes, Mickey has kids now :)) travelled the world, giving seminars on how to create games without in-app purchases, she met a very special student. His name was Howie D. While new to the world of video games, Howie was known around the world for something else...The Backstreet Boys. With Mickey's musical background proving a rock solid foundation...let's just say: Wasta here, connections there, joining the group,  albums, money, friendships, alcohol, failed friendships, no money, no albums, everyone but Mickey leaving the group...Mickey became "The Backstreet Boy". Naturally, the sold-out concerts were a thing of the past and the BSB(oy) was singing in front of tens in dirty, smelly pubs. Mickey was done with singing. For good.

Mickey, having met Hulk Hogan previously in one of those pubs, was able to secure the Hulkster's number. Out of work for a few months, Mickey's last resort was to...yes, call the Hulkster. Hulk Hogan was out of the WWF for a couple of years and in WCW, fans were starting to find him lame. Something needed to be done. Along with Diesel (Kevin Nash) and Razor Ramon (Scott Hall), Hulk Hogan had the plan of a lifetime. It was Bash at the Beach '96. Hulk Hogan did the unthinkable. He turned in the yellow and red for black and white. HE TURNED HIS BACK ON THE FANS! That faithful night was the night the nWo was born...and Mickey was introduced as the 4th member. The world was his for the taking. A few months in, he beat The Giant (now Big Show) to become the World Heavyweight Champion, spraypainted the nWo logo on the belt and like I said...took over the world. With Hall, Nash and Hogan by his side, nothing could stop the nWo. Oh, really? Yeah, well...stupid WCW writers sure as hell did. After a successful run for 2 years, anyone and everyone had become part of the nWo, and no one...yep...cared anymore. Neither did Mickey. He hung up his tights, left WCW and that move ALONE was the demise of the entire company. The next night, Shane McMahon (Vince McMahon's son) appeared on WCW TV, shocking the entire world with the news that he himself (and not his dad) had bought WCW...and the rest is history.

Mickey's next job would prove to be his most valuable. A Ghostbuster, professional wrestler, lead singer of a death metal band, a one man boy band...Mickey could only go down from here, right? Nope! Airport Security. Yes, you read that right...Mickey became a security guard in Jordan. I'm dead serious...and yes, this was his best job. EVER! Why you ask? Well, alright...I'll tell you. After years there, with the perfect income, it was one special day. A loving couple, by the names of Chooz and Pooz were in that very airport. Mickey was doing rounds in the Duty Free section. It was no more than one glimpse of her eye...Chooz wanted Mickie. Why? Not only had Mickey become known all over the world for his accomplishments, he was also known to be the best damn guard in the history of guarding. Choozie, with her loving husband in hand, met Mickey. They secretly asked him to become their Protector of Hearts. You see, on the 26th of September 2010, Chooz and Pooz exchaned hearts. Chooz's heart resides in Pooz's chest, and Pooz's heart is right there in Choozie's chest. To make sure the balance of the entire universe was kept, they needed a guardian to keep those hearts safe in their rightful places. A protector...Protector of Hearts. Mickey.

And there you have it, folks! The quiet one has quite the story to tell, eh? From that day till now, Mickey has been right here taking care of and loving Chooz and Pooz's hearts. He found the perfect job, they found the perfect guardian. Every once in a while, Mickey looks back at the trials he's been through and thanks that lovable, crazy couple for "saving him" and they thank and love him for his hard work and dedication.

We love you Mickey. Always. <3

May the force live long and prosper \V/