Previously on "Polka Dot Bunny Rabbit And The Misunderstood Smelly Poop", the wonderful story of The Banana was told, so now it is time for another story, liddle wans. The story of "The Jiggler". Don't worry, he's a sweet one the little fella. A bit on the hairy side though. Jiggler was always a charmer. Even back in the day when he worked in WWF as a professional wrestler. He was DA BOMB! Everyone loved him, everyone wanted to be him. No one could break this hairy goat's winning streak of 26 consecutive wins. No one...up till the match between Jiggler and...........drum roll please.....
THE HONKY TONK MAN! Why you ask? Because this particular wrestler knew Jiggler's weakness, the fact that his dancing would mesmerise Jiggler and make it easy for him to defeat him. The Jiggler tried to seek help from professionals...but nothing would work. The stipulation was already set to be a steel cage match, which means Jiggles cannot even avert his eyes for a few seconds to regain his strength. This loss could cost him his world heavy weight championship title...and break his winning streak. "Not good Jiggler, this is not good" he said to himself.
Jiggler had 3 options. The first was to forfeit the match, and no way in hell that was happening. The second was to actually fight and give it his best shot. The third was to visit one of his old friends to obtain the elixir of ultimate beard strength of doom. Jiggler had nothing to lose, and decided to go for the third option. He travelled far to the lands of the doomed, and slayed a million dragons (this didn't really happen; he was merely dreaming on the plane). When he finally reached his destination, he took a cab to his friends place, who was waiting for Jiggler. He knocked on the door using the combination that his friend gave him and waited. a few seconds later the door opened and smoke crept out of the room. Jiggler was having second thoughts and wondering in his head what on earth led him to make such a stupid decision. When the smoke cleared out, he could see a figure standing at the end of the room. With arms open wide, he went to greet his friend, Scrappundiculus. The two haven't seen each other in quite a while and started reminiscing about the old days. After talking for what seemed like hours, Scrappundiculus pulled out a small vial and wrapped it in a silk cloth. He put it in Jiggler's hand, and looking him in the eye said: "Take this my dear friend. This potion will help you conquer all your fears and weaknesses. Just remember one thing, one very important thing. Before drinking this potion, you absolutely must remember to eat three pieces of popcorn. Not one, not two, but three. If you don't do this, terrible things will happen. Now on your way friend. May the Gods of Popcorn be with you." and just like that, Scrappundiculus disappeared into thin air.
Jiggler is back home, with the match being a couple of hours away. Jiggler is starting to get worried. What if this doesn't work, or even worse. What if this all backfires and I end up transforming into a big piece of popcorn. SNAP OUT OF IT JIGGLER THIS IS NO TIME TO PANIC.
*Jiggler's theme song plays* AND ITS THE MIGHTY JIGGLER! Jiggler runs in all awesome like and throws a rose to his crowd, only to be caught by a beautiful little girl. He smiles and takes this as a good sign. The bell rings and standing in front of him is his opponent, The Honky Tonk Man. Jiggler is scared, but shakes it off and starts to fight. A punch here and a punch there, JIGGLER IS ON FIRE! The crowd cheers and whistles. LETS GO JIGGLER! *Clap clap clap clap clap* which is simply fuelling Jiggler to do his best. The Honky Tonk Man is on the floor, Jiggler is getting ready to do his famous move: The mighty butt wiggle squash doodle. Jiggler wiggles his butt, and is about to make his move when all of a sudden, BAM. Honky Tonk Man kicks Jiggler in the FAYS and Jiggler falls off his feet. He is now helpless. Honky Tonk Man ques to start his music and is about to start dancing. This is it. Jiggler starts to panic, but cannot move at the same time. It has begun and it's too late. This is the end for Jiggler. He closes his eyes and waits for his doom. A few seconds pass, which seemed like eternity to The Jiggler. Suddenly Jiggler hears the crowd gasp and roar. The referee starts to count. ONE! Jiggler doesn't know what is happening. TEEEEW! He can't feel anyone on top of him how is this possible. THREE! Should I open my eyes? FOUR! What on earth do i do? FIIIVE! Grow some balls man! Open your eyes! THIIIIKTH! It's now or never Jiggler! THEVEEEEEEN!
Jiggler opens his eyes to find The Honky Tonk Man lying flat on the floor. It seems like he tripped on something. Jiggler quickly gets up, runs towards him and grabs his leg, lying on his belly and the referee starts the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING!!! He did it...Jiggler did it. His theme song starts to play and the crowd starts to roar. Jiggler is handed his belt and starts to run around the ring.
He did it.
And that my friends is the story our little superstar, previously The Jiggler, now cute little Jiggles who watches wrestling with mommy and daddy.
May the force live long and prosper \V/
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